Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
