If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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