And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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