This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
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So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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