can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
