dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
