if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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