I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
