So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
