oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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