I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
