I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
