are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
