i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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