I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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