He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
