is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I need water and some morals
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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