I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
