hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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