DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
