That's when you crack a 10am beer
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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