What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
