We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
