I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Did we literally take a cab across the street
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
