after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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