Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
