3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
