Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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