Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
