I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
