I will die if light touches me.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
