There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
