Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I could fuck to npr.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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