Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
