I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
