This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the day after is always just damage control
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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