how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
