She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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