We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
this boner is exhausting
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
