Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
