Christians are straight up FREAKS
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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