woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
