She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
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I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
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I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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