is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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