if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
