you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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