I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
