Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I need moral support for this bender
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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