Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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