do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
