So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
did i just pee glitter
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
