I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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