2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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