So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
