Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
