No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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