I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
