your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
