I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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