i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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