You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
