We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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