Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize