i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
