I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
