Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
